Lately.

Hmmm.... So it's really become harder and harder to post consistently. I think it's because I'm becoming more of a Momma and less of a survivor. I hope this makes sense. I feel like I'm starting to enjoy being a mother instead of just trying to eke out an existence as one.

Every day he's making his requests known more clearly. I'm finally able to distinguish between his cries. Plus, when something makes him happy, he lets us know! I know it sounds selfish and a little narcissistic, but it's SUCH A RELIEF! I'm remembering now hearing that 6 months old is a "fun age" and it's so true.

Being a first time mom is so hard. But, man... lately I've really had to watch how tightly I squeeze him ;)

Butternut Squash Breast Milk

James has officially entered into the wild and wonderful world of solid food. Real people food. Delicious food that I can't wait to introduce to him. Food is, by far, one of God's greatest gifts. If I were in a different socioeconomic bracket, I may even be considered a "foodie". I'm really hoping that James will develop an adventurous and healthy palate.

Since my Crohn's has returned, I can't keep on weight, yada, yada, yada, we decided that it would indeed be best to wean James. The only problem with this is that he REFUSES to take a bottle. It baffles me. Up until about a month or so ago, he took one just fine and now you'd think we were offering him something evil. SO frustrating.

We really have tried everything: replacing his least favorite feeding with the bottle (although, he really loves them all), waiting until he's really hungry, different bottle nipples, Jim only feeds him so he doesn't smell Momma, etc. So we decided to take a different, more gentle approach. I'll keep nursing, but introduce solids so that he'll need it fewer times during the day. I'm confident that my body can handle 4-5 feedings a day.

And, we knew he was ready. He gets really quiet and intent when we're eating as he watches the silverware go from plate to mouth. Even when he sits on my lap and I'm eating, he'll watch the food go to my mouth, craning his neck to see over his shoulder. We'd started rice cereal here and there but it didn't touch his appetite. He still ate at Mom's about every 3 - 3 1/2 hours.

Which brings us to yesterday. A butternut squash was baked, pureed, and fed to the little prince and he LOVED it! His arms were a-flappin' and he issued many happy monkey noises. It really was a blast.

Okay, so the funniest part about all of this is that I couldn't find my ice cube trays ANYWHERE, so I used my breast milk storage bags. But actually, I think it'll work fairly well, because it's easy to thaw them out in the sink and takes up less space than frozen cubes. I ended up with 12 servings of butternut squash!

I don't have a video of him eating the squash, but you'll get the idea of how excited he is to eat. Here's rice cereal:

November In the Rear View

November has been bonkers. I'm not sure why, but it seems like this month has taken me by the scruff of my neck and lobbed me across the room. Can't wait till December...

When people ask me how I am nowadays, my response usually describes how James is. But that's my life now: how James is is how I am. So if he's been cranky and worn out, so's Momma.

He is growing ever so quickly. (Should I be surprised??) He's grinning and flirting and yelling so much. And when I say yelling, I don't mean fussing. I mean like hollerin' at us from his play mat, saying, "HEY I'M OVER HERE PLAYING WITH MY TOYS AND I'VE JUST REALIZED THAT I CAN MAKE MY VOICE REALLY LOUD SO HERE I AM HEEEEEY!" It's really cute.

He also ONLY wants to stand up, with help of course. He can even do it just holding on to our hands! No sitting for this boy. Those little fat, sturdy legs are working so hard! My favorite is when he loses his balance and it makes his belly stick waaay out in front of him, trying to regain his center of gravity. I also love when he makes it to the upright position and he does his excited-fast-breathing. Like, "Yes! I made it! I knew there was more to this than laying around on my back!"

Anyway, that's about it. There isn't much new, just general mayhem and busyness. Those first perilous weeks of motherhood are becoming a fuzzy memory. James is starting to become more of an interactive little person and less like a "larva-stage-human" (for you, Dar :)

Eavesdropping on a Flix message to my mom:

I just had to share this little video I took with my phone. It was right before nap time and James' cranky cries are just so cute to me, especially how his face is at the very end.

Of course when those cranky cries turn into overtired banshee screams it's a completely different story.

Memory Monday (on Tuesday... whoops)

Genesis 2:18

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

What Sister-In-Laws Are For:

In order to contribute to my new high-calorie diet, my sister-in-law Sarah sent me to this INCREDIBLE blog. Do NOT miss the Bacon Wrapped Pigs in Blankets Wrapped in Bacon or the Twinkie Casserole! Seriously.

Oh Well...

I've mentioned before of my bout with Crohn's disease. Not a terrible case, but enough to alter my diet and lifestyle slightly. During pregnancy, however, my hormones kicked the Crohn's symptoms to the curb and I was able to enjoy (within reason) many of the foods that I'd abandoned. Not to mention a pain-free abdomen... traded that for fetal kicks to the ribcage.

Well about two weeks ago, the symptoms returned. It started with that familiar, sharp pain in my upper belly (it's pretty much contained in my duodenum and ileum. That's the part that connects your stomach to your upper intestine). Nothing gut-wrenching and definitely not the 103 degree fevers that wracked my body in 2005 when I was diagnosed. Just little, annoying whispers that mocked, "Didja miss me??"

More than the pain, I've lost waaay too much weight. I know that mothers pine and work really hard to lose pregnancy weight, but please hear me when I say that this cost outweighs the benefits. Here I am with not even a pair of PRE-pregnancy pants that fit me. All too big. And I just feel ill.

I've been advised to stop nursing James. Obviously, nutrients go to him first and I'm left with the scant leftovers that my body has a hard time absorbing to begin with. I'm by no means against putting James on formula. I know he'd be fine and has gotten so many of the breast milk benefits in his early infancy. But before I took that step, I wanted to talk to my doctor.

He said to try an extremely high-calorie diet before I stopped nursing. We talked about what I eat day to day and, frankly, it's just not enough. Plus, the Crohn's is so weak right now that it probably isn't even the primary cause of my weight loss.

All that to say, I'm chugging Ensure drinks and adding lots of butter and olive oil to everything I eat. Flaxseed powder is going in my sauces and lots of peanut butter and cheese is on the menu. After a month, we'll re-evaluate and see if weaning is necessary. I'm praying it's not. Nursing is free and easy and readily available.

I know, it's weird to hear of a weight-gain diet... and while it might sound like fun, Krispy Kreme doughnuts are not on the menu.