Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Last Couple of Weeks

Wow. I feel like I've been picked up, thrown down, yelled at, and in the midst of everything fallen head over heels in love. What a weird, nutty roller coaster.

So here we go:

Labor and delivery were a blast. I did it sans drugs, but that doesn't matter. I'd definitely recommend Bradley Birth to anyone. Plus, God knew what I could handle.

The first day and a half of James' life in the hospital are a fuzzy dream. I remember bits and pieces and people that came to visit, but the clearest memory is obviously my son. Taking him all in. Studying his face, his fingers, toes, ears, hair, chin (oh, the chin...). I don't even remember nursing him that much. I just remember the sweet closeness that it brought. I also wouldn't say it was an immediate and complete bond at first sight, but more of a gradual ache that grew in the pit of my belly; a brand new, different kind of love. That beautiful ache grows every time I look at him.

The first night was restless to say the least. I tried not to check for his breathing every 4 minutes, and eventually my exhaustion took over. He slept and ate rhythmically the first few nights but then reality set in.

Nursing has been by far the hardest part for me. By the time he was 8 days old, I had already developed an infection. I got an antibiotic which has helped tremendously, but it's still pretty painful. Everyone keeps saying that it will get better - and it has already - but, honestly, I'm just ready for it to be "easy".

Now, the newest thing is James' lower gas pains [ yes this is what my blog has become :) ] After feedings, he'll burp just fine, fall asleep, and then 10-15 minutes later, urgent, high-pitched cries fill our small home. I actually don't mind the crying - but I do mind his pain. It's also cutting into his sleep time, which is no fun for anyone. We've started to try gripe water today and if that doesn't work, we may try Mylicon drops. Any suggestions are definitely welcome.

This probably sounds like a sob-post, and maybe it is a little. I won't lie and say that the baby blues haven't overwhelmed me at some points. I never knew it would be this hard. And we even have TONS of amazing, excellent help. Our parents and friends have been around right when we need them. I know that we have so much to be to be thankful for: a great labor and delivery experience, a healthy baby and mama, incredible support... I just have to be honest about what's difficult. And this is difficult.

But when it all comes down to it, I couldn't ever in a million years want to give him back or do anything differently. I love him so, so much - gassy tummy and all.

11 comments:

Helen Joy said...

What a great way to describe this love! An ache is totally it. Aching love...
Anyhow. Don't you feel bad about being sobby. I go through it at least every two weeks. No sleep does that to you.
Did you have thrush? I had that, it sucked.
Gripe water helped Barclay a lot but we gave it to him with a pacifier medicine thingy instead of the syringe. I think it made him intake a lot less air. I have a hard time finding those but I have found them at Walmart and target on ocassion.
I think it takes them a while to learn how to pass gas, then it's much better.
I am going to come to Greenville sometime next week and bring you yummy food and kiss that sweet baby of yours...and meet you:-)
I hope the nursing thing gets easier!

Julie said...

Oh Sara I'm so sorry. Donna told me about your infection. I had an infection too and it was awful. I'm glad you're starting to feel better. Don't forget to try a lactation consultant if breastfeeding doesn't get any easier. They are awesome. Also, my friend had great success putting her baby on the Mylicon drops. I promise all this is going to get easier but in the mean time I know it is SOOO hard!

Coty said...

Sorry to hear about the booby infection. :( Not a great way to start things out, but I'm so proud of you for pushing through! The first six to eight weeks of breastfeeding(and parenting!) are probably going to be the hardest. Keep at it and it will(eventually) get easier. I have to second the recommendation of a Lactation Consultant.

About the gas troubles...if the Mylicon doesn't seen to do it, you might talk to the doctor about silent reflux, especially if it's something that's waking him. My poor Charlie didn't get an official diagnosis until four months old and I felt so terrible. I'd been treating him for gas and teething and it turned out to be neither! Here's hoping it's just gas, though. They have so much junk to work out of their little systems during those first few weeks. He might just be a little backed up. ;)

Susan Sene said...

what a sweet post - I can't wait to feel that way too (as crazy as that may sound) :)

hope your infection gets better soon and his gassy pains go away...only suggestion I know of is that a lot of babies with various kinds of health issues have responded very well to just a fingertip dipped in Reliv.

can't wait to come visit and meet baby James!! you're in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

Sara...the way you described the love for your son was sooo beautiful! I hope you print this out and put it in his baby book! I had mastitis when Nathan was about 3 weeks old, and it was no fun! My lactation consultant helped me tremendously..I went to her at least twice after Nathan was born. And Mylicon helped us TREMENDOUSLY during those early weeks. And we figured out early on, that Nathan just didn't like sleeping on his back. We are praying for you guys!

RosieLayne said...

Oh, so sorry about your infection! I agree with you and think that compared to the 6 weeks after the baby is born, the birth itself is a breeze. My recommendation for the gas is the "roll up"- take off his diaper but leave it under him, and then grab his thighs gently and slowly roll his knees up to his shoulders- his rear end should be up in the air and his knees may not touch his shoulders... but this often will force the gas out (along with some poop at times...) It's worth a try before you start the drops... Call me if you need me!! xo

julie j. said...

what a sweet precious boy you have. i have enjoyed the pictures, thank you for sharing with us:) my jack was a terror for 9 months. i loved him beyond words but he was a terror. we found out at 10 months he was allergic to milk and from then on a dream as far as gas goes! since you are nursing him maybe you could change some things in your diet like milk products and highly gassy foods like onions, broccoli, etc. that has helped many of my friends with this problem. for jack a droning sound like the rain on the sound spa machine helped sometimes to break his mind from concentrating on the gas......like diversion for the mind. i liked mylicon but we tried to not use a lot of medicine....although, if he is in pain medicine is so helpful and it also allows you to rest and be sane to have the ability to care well for your hubby and james:) i suggest humbly that if all these ladies suggestions are not helpful he may have reflux and need something from the good doc to help. that stuff is very painful and is common more for baby boys.
i hope you find something to help you! new mommies are so encouraging to us old hat mommies you remind us of that first joyful moment and sweet expectation. it reminds me of new believers and old ones:)
julie j.

julie j. said...

ps. persevere with these first 6 weeks or so and benefit from months of feeding with ease:) you can do it!

The Via Colony said...

It is such a beautiful, hard thing, but I know you're doing a great job=) As far as the gassy tummy, Zeke had it bad, plus reflux. If the gripe water doesn't help def. try the mylicon! It's not even really a medicine. You can't OD on it. You can give it to them before after and during every feeding if you want. It just breaks up those gas bubbles. No side effects. It's wonderful!

Feeding DOES get easy"er". It takes a couple of months sometimes for all the pain to go away during every feeding, but you'll get there=)

Hang in there. I know that once I hit the 6 week mark I finally felt like myself again and I finally felt out of the fog...you're almost there!

Evelyn & Floyd said...

oh. girl.
KNOW your pain. The aimless bluesy feeling, bizarre tears streaming down cheeks, pain while nursing so terrific it makes you curl your toes, etc.
let me know if you want a private facebook message :)

Dulos said...

Was great to see you guys yesterday, James is so tiny and adorable, makes me miss when Emmory was that small; I know it's so hard b/c of everything that is going on but try to cherish this time with him b/c he will never be this small again. It was also great to read all this encouragement from other moms, and I hope you are encouraged because every mom that's been through it knows it's true, the first weeks are HARD, but then it does get easy; I would definitely say it's easy with Emmory now. You will get there! You will find your "new" normal, and feel like a normal person again!
~Shawna