Mother From The Black Lagoon

It took me a few days to get over my approval addiction to tell you about this. Plus, I know this is one of those stupid parental dividing things that everyone has an opinion about. ::Deep breath::

We let James cry himself to sleep.

There. I said it.

For the last 7 months, he has woken up at least 3 times a night. Not to nurse, not to play - just to wake up so we could bounce him back to sleep. I had accepted it as my lot in life. He's my baby. He's not the greatest sleeper and that's okay. This is what being a parent is all about.

And really, it was working fine until Christmas. When I went to Florida for a week, James slept with me every night. Jim wasn't there and I wanted a break from getting out of bed, so I made an executive decision. We were in a new, different place. When we got home, he would remember his crib and forget all that nice, sweet snuggle time right next to Mama... I'm a terrible executive.

Let me pause for a second and fill you in on my take on co-sleeping: I think it's absolutely fine. Great, even. It's a perfect fit for some families and I don't think it messes with kids' heads or make them clingy or anything like that. If everyone is getting a good night's sleep, more power to ya. I'm all about what works for your child.

Okay, Play. James is not a great co-sleeper. He still wakes up every 2 hours and needs to be picked up (not just snuggled closer to Mama) and rocked or bounced back to sleep. The slightest movement wakes him up and it's back to bouncing. Infuriating.

So we get home from Florida and does he go back to sleeping in his crib? Absolutely not. The second we would lift him up over the rail, he would arch his back and cry. So long story short, the last few weeks I'd been sleeping with him for most of the night in the guest bed in his room. Well, not that I'd been doing much sleeping. James' sleep had gotten even worse. Every 2 hours became every 20 or 30 minutes that I would have to pick him up and bounce him back to sleep. Teething compounded the problem. He wouldn't sleep in his crib. He wouldn't sleep with me. He wouldn't even sleep rocking in the recliner. He was fretful and unhappy during the day and SO WAS I.

Out of desperation, I made an appointment with our doctor. I was sure that there was something internally wrong with him that woke him up every 20 minutes. Reflux? Ear infection? What was it?!

Nothing whatsoever wrong with him.

"You have a perfectly healthy, robust baby. He's just very tired, needs rest, and can't put himself to sleep. You need to gather your courage and a pair of earplugs and let him holler."

I burst into tears. I knew that's what he was going to say. Everyone had been telling me that. I was so sick of hearing it. I didn't feel right about leaving him to cry. I had read about babies' heart rates skyrocketing and vomiting and feeling abandoned. I wasn't going to do that to James. I was going to meet his needs even if it was at 3:00 in the morning. Dr. Stafford comforted me and talked with me about the best way to do it. He told me success stories, encouraged me, etc. I cried the whole way home and begged God for some guidance and peace about what to do. By the time I reached our driveway, I was determined to give it a try.

For that first nap, he cried for over an hour straight. Of course I checked on him, but I didn't let him see me. Stafford said that would just start the whole thing over again. He finally fell asleep and I felt every single muscle in my body relax. He slept for an hour and a half. He NEVER sleeps for over 40 minutes by himself. When he woke up I went and got him and was greeted with a huge grin.

That night, we put him to bed at about 9:00. He fussed (not even a full blown cry!) for about 15 minutes and slept until 4:00 am! I nursed him, put him right back into bed, he fussed for about 15 minutes and slept until 7. I didn't know what to with myself. I hadn't had this much sleep in 7 months!

It worked. I still don't think it's for everyone and definitely not for tiny babies. I feel like my well of patience is so much deeper after these full nights of sleep. I'm not as cranky and frustrated. It's still a process and I'm sure there will be bumps in the road (ex: Of course when we decide to do this, he gets his first respiratory infection), but it was the right thing for James.

And I'm enjoying my humble pie.