Change.

He's so cute, isn't he?

I'm writing this from beneath the breeze of my parents' office ceiling fan in West Palm. Even on James' morning walk to the intercoastal waterway (only a block away!), we SWEAT. The Sunshine State is no joke in late July. And yet there's an ocean wind that makes it okay and reminds me that I'M IN THE TROPICS.

I knew it had been way overdue for an update when I realized he had turned thirteen months last week. It looks like the days of counting his month-age are dwindling. And wasn't there a time that I measured his life in weeks? Even days??

Jim is working away on his book in the other room; a rare opportunity that we have two screens to play on! I'm so proud of him. He's on Chapter 6 and the book is just getting better and better.

God has been shaping my heart into a different form lately. It was Mother's Day - about two months ago - when I felt like my affections and attention were being directed all too indiscriminately. On the day when my role was most defined, I felt completely lost and useless. It's kinda hard to explain.

In an effort to refine, I took myself off the grid. No Facebook status updates, only James updates on my blog, and an increased desire to fix my eyes on things above. Things of worth. I read David Platt's Radical: Taking back your faith from the American dream. I recommend it. Let me rephrase: Read it now.

Mentally processing through my upcoming job change has also dominated my prayers to God and my conversations with Jim. (I know he's tiring of it, but boy, is he ever a faithful friend). I needed a constant reassurance that this was the right thing to do. I had come to a place of peace when we were making the final decisions months ago, but "...you're being a bad mother..." was a frequent thought that had to be taken captive. This process has certainly been a time of strengthening my faith in my God, in my husband, and in the Church that surrounds us.

I never had the faintest clue that having a child could amplify and affect life decisions so much. Decisions used to be made based on my gain and comfort. I cowered in the truth that we are making decisions during a time called "formative years." Formative. Yikes.

Anyway, I just wanted to process through a little more and rest yet again in the reassuring structure of the Church. This room of the Church is a little cybery and less human, but knowing that you are reading and hopefully joining me in prayer through this transition is comfort.

So thank you.